F-rank amateur

Writers! Sick of slogging away at your manuscripts and submitting your proposals to countless publishers without even receiving the courtesy of a rejection letter in reply? Wish you could avoid the whole painful experience? Well, now you can! All you need to do is become a footballer and publishers will instantly be falling over themselves to secure your signature on a multi-book deal.

Of course, the other alternative is to get your sibling to marry into the Royal Family...