Goodbye, good riddance

It was with great pleasure that I listened to the joyous sound of Nolberto Solano shredding the script on Saturday afternoon, and inflicting a thirteenth successive defeat upon our delightful North-East neighbours Sunderland. The opportunity was there for those miserable Mackem bastards, already relegated, to urinate on our Champions' League chips from a great height, but thankfully owing to their woeful incompetence and complete lack of talent they couldn't manage it. Instead, we delivered a good hard kick to their particulars, ensuring that they will finish with the lowest ever points total since the Premiership began in 1992 and thus guaranteeing them an ignominious fate in which we can all delight. In fact, the only down side on an afternoon of many ups was the injury sustained by skipper Shearer, which rules him out for the rest of the season. We've got a replacement ready and raring to go, though, in the shape of Shola Ameobi, and we go into Saturday's home match with Birmingham knowing that a win will secure a Champions' League spot. It's in your hands, go out and grab it lads!