The highlight of the trip, perhaps inevitably, was the journey from Tirano in Italy, through St Moritz and on to Chur in Switzerland on the Bernina/Albula lines. A genuine mountain railway ascends slowly between houses into verdant valleys, before a winding vertiginous climb that remarkably brings you out on a new valley floor, hundreds of metres above sea level, still dwarfed by misted peaks. From there, you pass pools and glaciers before descending gradually. Spectacular doesn't do it justice.
In addition to its charming old town, Chur boasts a cable car - a handy means of being able to enjoy a splendid Alpine stroll at altitude and then a pint with a view without having to trek a considerable distance uphill for the pleasure.
Getting down via the longest toboggan run in Switzerland was faintly terrifying - though perhaps not quite as terrifying as the bus journey back to Chur, our driver braking sharply to sweep around hairpin bends.
Of the cities we visited, the last - Strasbourg - took the prize for the most beautiful, its old town encircled by water. Its cathedral, too, was stunning, especially when illuminated by the special night-time display.
As church interiors go, though, it was slightly disappointing. Salzburg arguably had the most impressive array of churches overall.
However, Munich boasted both the freaky jeweled skeleton of Saint Munditia, allegedly dating back to the fourth century, at Alter Peter and the extraordinary Asamkirche, which looks like the ideal setting for a black mass.
Zurich's churches, meanwhile, were dour and uninteresting - blame the Reformation. It was at least possible to have a drink at the actual Cabaret Voltaire (though beware the almost impenetrably dense guide given to you if you venture into the museum, and the fact that you'll have 'Nag Nag Nag' playing in your head for the rest of the day).
Zurich also presented the opportunity to take a dip in the lake - which Stanley did, twice, despite not having any swimming trunks. Cooling off in Lake Como the next day, on our brief stopover in Lecco, was even more picturesque.
A diet that consisted almost entirely of bread, meat, breaded meat and cheese meant that the main souvenir we brought back to the UK was probably gout.
So, what did we learn? You can buy Bayern Munich-branded lederhosen, beer should be sold in two-pint glasses more widely, Swiss trains cater for camp bears and the young Mozart was able to pop downstairs for a Pot Noodle, a can of Monster and a scratchcard.
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