"My lips purse, like a cat's arse that's brushed against nettles."
Just one of the wonderful lines in Jay Rayner's demolition of Le Cinq, an eye-wateringly expensive three-Michelin-starred restaurant in Paris. Even his dining companion got in on the act, referring to one canape (that Rayner has already described as looking "like a Barbie-sized silicon breast implant") as "like eating a condom that's been left lying about in a dusty greengrocers".
Hatchet job? Possibly - but Rayner's own photos of what was served up bear little resemblance to the press shots supplied by the restaurant (who snootily refused to allow the Guardian to photograph the dishes themselves).
Either way, it's clearly no Riley's Fish Shack...