Quotes of the day

"He said it was a bit like a lock-in so maybe he does that in his pub. But I think he's probably learnt his lesson."

Hazel Blears on Mark Reckless MP (Reckless by name...), who declined to vote on the Finance Bill last week on account of being pissed. "Too drunk to vote"? Sounds like a Spitting Image version of the Dead Kennedys classic...

And speaking of being drunk...

"I heard he was by the river, and I brought my fishing rod too so we can fish together and have a chat. I want to talk to him because I think I'm the only man to help him. All he wants to do is surrender. I knew he's a good lad. The police wouldn't let me through because they were frightened he might shoot me, but I know he won't. I have just been in a car crash, hit a wall at 90mph. I survived that, so I can survive a bullet - knowing my luck he will probably miss. All I want to shout is 'Moaty, it's Gazza' and I guarantee me and him could sit and chat. I would say, 'Why don't you just put the gun away, throw it in the river? The police are not going to kill you'. He was like a gentleman - someone must have wound him up. Obviously he's killed someone and shot two, which is not nice really. He's a lovely bloke, I think he is frightened."

Gazza rolls up at the stand-off between the police and fugitive Raoul Moat and suggests he might be able to defuse the situation with the aid of some chicken, a can of lager, a dressing gown and a fishing rod. You really couldn't make it up.