Quotes of the day

"Paint your toes to look like talons. That way, when you pick up mice with your feet you can pretend you're an eagle."

Bill Bailey during his live show 'Part Troll', recorded and screened on C4 on Friday night. Chucklesome throughout, and with some fantastical flights of weirdness that made my head spin. Not in an 'Exorcist' way, though.

"Pimping up my ride."

'Celebrity Big Brother' winner Bez tells Davina McCall what he'll be spending his £50,000 prize money on. Congratulations, Monkey Man.