Small fry

Best anecdote I've heard in the last couple of days:

While at university an associate of mine - let's call him R - lived with a bunch of others in a flat. They all got on well together, except for one individual who, in the parlance of our times, was a knob. One day came the straw that broke the camel's back and R and his fellow flatmates conspired to wreak their bloody revenge upon The Knob. This they did by killing his goldfish (which, admittedly, was completely innocent of any crime), deep-fat-frying it, dividing it up amongst themselves and serving it up on plates with miniature chips. The Knob walked into the kitchen as the feast was in progress. He moved out the next day.

When it comes down to Most Effective Ways To Kill A Fish, deep-fat-frying has to be right up there. Certainly more effective than the method attempted recently by my brother. His ageing goldfish is having problems staying upright in the water due to difficulties with its swim bladder. Both he and my parents decided the best thing to do was to put it down by turning off the fishtank pump and leaving it overnight - sort of turning off the life support system and committing piscine euthanasia. Unfortunately, what they hadn't taken into account is that, due to the fact that oxygen diffuses in water, fish are able to survive happily in ponds and lakes that don't have pumps. Mr Fish seems to have been granted a stay of execution, for the time being.