Christmas turkeys

Last week found me pondering whether a goalless draw at Charlton constituted a good result. A 4-2 win for the Addicks over Chelski and a couple of abysmal Toon performances later, and it (and especially the clean sheet) looks positively miraculous.

Boxing Day last year saw us go down in spectacular fashion, 4-3 at Bolton. This year, a lacklustre display at lowly Leicester looked like ending in a similarly dire defeat until substitute Darren Ambrose nodded in a rebound from a Jenas shot in the very last minute to salvage a point. What should have been a meat-and-drink victory for any side with Champions League aspirations turned into a nervy get-out-of-jail draw.

But then Sunday’s showing, at home to Blackburn, was even worse. That Paul Gallagher’s winning goal was an unbelievably blatant handball shouldn’t be allowed to detract from the fact that we thoroughly deserved to lose. Who would have thought that, in the very next home match after the 4-0 thrashing of Spurs, we could look so woefully unimaginative and disjointed in attack? This in itself was very worrying, but what continues to gall me is the number of times I’ve been angered by the constant references by media types and pundits to the weakness of our defence, only for the players themselves seemingly doing their utmost to undermine my case. Even after yesterday, it’s worth noting, we have the best defensive record at home in the Premiership, but I won’t be inviting the pundits to stick that in their pipes and smoke it, though – judging by yesterday’s excruciatingly inept defensive display, that statistic masks some serious deficiencies. At times it was like something out of a slapstick comedy, as a back four minus the cool-headed marshalling of Woodgate staggered and stumbled around like a bunch of punchdrunk clowns. All it lacked was some cream pie throwing and Bramble swinging a ladder around, knocking O’Brien out and allowing Andy Cole a free run on goal.

All of which roughly translates as: “Dearest fans, merry fucking Christmas, love all at Newcastle United”.