Text message of the day

Received at 11.05pm on Saturday night, from an associate of mine familiar to most SWSL readers...

"Me been caramel sik al over brighton. Simon with seachange me talk shit, cant remember at freebut, on train hav taste of bile in throat. God 4giv me 4 wot ihavdun."

Credit also to Leon for the following:

"In line with your penchant for eavesdropping, i've just overheard a classic line: 'she's a bitch. She only phones me when her mobile is charged up.'"