17.45, Main Stage

As far as entrances go, it’s a classic in its own peculiar way: Van Halen’s ‘Jump’ and ‘Whole Lotta Rosie’ by AC/DC over the PA, followed by “Hello, we’re THE DARKNESS from Lowestoft”. They may have blotted their copybook since the triumph that was Glastonbury (a triumph that incredibly helped propel debut LP Permission To Land to second in the UK album charts, second only to Beyoncé) by not only participating in a fashion shoot for the Daily Telegraph but also supporting that cretinous little whingebag Robbie Fucking Williams at Knebworth – for me at least, this is their opportunity to redeem themselves. And they do so with ease, and without the cover of ‘Street Spirit’ or the extravagant jumpsuit changes of Glasto. At the precise moment they play it, ‘Get Your Hands Off My Woman Motherfucker’ sounds like the best single ever released, and my enjoyment is only spoilt when, during soon-to-be-huge anthem ‘I Believe In A Thing Called Love’, I get hit on the shoulder by some smoked cheese. No idea where it came from – perhaps God is passing comment from above? Other bands may be wary of descending to Spinal Tap levels of excess, idiocy and self-parody, but The Darkness seem to regard the film as something of a Rock Code Of Conduct. Who knows? Maybe they genuinely believe it’s an honest fly-on-the-wall documentary. After all, for many years Ozzy Osbourne did. But, then again, I suppose he had been snorting an extraordinary amount of cocaine.