I like to imagine JR Moores as a savage beast caged in the corner of the Quietus offices, pacing back and forth hungrily until another unsuspecting gazelle is sent his way to be torn limb from limb. Inviting him to get his teeth stuck into Richard Ashcroft's new album Lovin' You was always going to yield spectacularly bloody results, maintaining a consistently high score on the snort-laugh-ometer.
Ashcroft is without doubt one of this island's most chronically delusional artists. He's sorely mistaken in believing that his shit not only doesn't stink but merits being repeatedly inflicted on a wider audience. He remains convinced that he's a rebel - and indeed he is, a rebel against all semblance of quality or creativity.
All of which makes him an entirely deserving victim of Moores' withering wit. A choice example: "One of the higher brow comparisons suggests that the object of his wooing has 'da Vinci eyes'. On hearing this ode she might prefer the ears of Van Gogh."
Since reading Moores' demolition job, I've had the extreme misfortune of hearing the album's lead single 'Lover', and can only say that Ashcroft has got off lightly.
And all of this is not even to mention the album cover, which (as someone pointed out on Bluesky) makes it look as though the beachgoers would rather commit mass suicide by walking to a chilly death in the sea than spend another minute in the company of Ashcroft and his acoustic guitar. And, frankly, who can blame them?
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