"I'm always suspicious of friends who tell me they were into The Fall when they were eight or something. That's the thing with The Fall, isn't it? You have to be old enough to understand why it's not complete shit."
"Sheer Heart Attack by Queen is one of the greatest albums ever recorded by human beings. I wasn't allowed to have that album out because there's a history of heart problems in our family so when I was a little kid it used to piss me off that the best album was called Sheer Heart Attack. In our house, I had to hide it under an LP copy of News Of The World which is a significantly worse album."
"If you play guitar in anything approaching an alternative rock band and you don't like Entertainment by Gang Of Four then I suggest you've probably got issues and not any of them good issues you can monetise."
"I need recent Slayer records as much as I need shin splints."
"When I watch USA Nails live, I think that if I was younger I would go and hurtle against people while listening to it like I used to when I was a kid but I won't anymore. I'll stand slightly to the right of the stage drinking a Peroni which I have insisted is on the rider because I'm not drinking Tuborg for any cunt and I'll be nodding and going, 'Oh yeah, they've really developed as a band'. Like an absolute wanker."
As you might expect - and as this smattering of choice excerpts proves - Andrew Falkous' Baker's Dozen feature for the Quietus is utterly marvellous.
In addition to selecting and talking about albums by Public Enemy, Talking Heads and Faith No More, and the soundtrack to Bugsy Malone, he has a potshot at Steve Lamacq, namechecks largely forgotten Swindon left back Paul Bodin, confesses to wooing his wife (Future Of The Left bassist Julia Ruzicka) by performing an interpretive dance to T'Pau's 'China In Your Hand', reveals that FOTL were their wedding band and covered (among other things) Nirvana's 'Tourette's', and goes on a particularly off-piste rant about ciabattas.
Also, how on earth did I not know that despite being an honorary Cardiffian, he's actually a fellow Geordie by birth? My sense of kinship is strengthened - and I might just have to revise my (very) low estimation of my hometown's contributions to popular music...