"A well-known chemical reaction works just like the literature said it would."
"Protein of unknown function in yeast still has unknown function."
"People somewhere developed agriculture at some point."
Just three examples of micro-abstracts from LOL My Thesis, whose suitably succinct strapline reads "Summing up years of work in a sentence". My own thesis could probably be summarised as: "Notoriously prolix and quarrelsome author somewhat surprisingly believes in the value of silence".
(Thanks to usvsth3m for the link.)