Quote of the day

"We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit. The real issue isn't what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other - and that's a matter of discipline, and has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it. We're happy to make clear that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing."

A Health and Safety Executive spokesman reacts to the news that triangular flapjacks have apparently been banned in a Canvey Island school after a pupil was hurt in an attack. The "real issue" isn't even really discipline, though. It's either (a) what a heinous waste of a fine foodstuff using flapjack as a weapon is or (b) what poor-quality flapjack the school must have for it to be sufficiently firm as to cause injury when propelled person-wards - it should properly be far too gooey for that.