Season's greetings

The return to giving Christmas cards for the first time since primary school - another sign that middle age is creeping stealthily up and youth disappearing into the distance.

This year we've felt a mixture of shame and pride at not only sending them as a couple, but also being efficient and organised enough to get them in the post just as the calendar has flipped over to December. It's all downhill towards decorous dinner parties from here.

Sending a card to those likely to send one to us is like some kind of benevolent pre-emptive strike: "Kerpow! Take that Merry Christmas! And those best wishes for New Year! Ha! We got in there first!"

Recipients have been targeted carefully after a period of deliberation - generally speaking, couples who'll appreciate the sentiment. After all, not everyone is keen on the idea of being one of the privileged few to receive our season's greetings - one friend told me: "If you send me a card, I'll hunt you down and set fire to you..."