Criminal Records #9

'Slight Return' - The Bluetones

The year was 1996. The few days when Britpop was actually an interesting cultural phenomenon had receded into the distant past - even at its "peak", I'd reacted against all the boisterous jingoism, the self-importance and the array of predominantly atrociously feeble bands supposedly at the vanguard of the movement, and now the mainstream musical landscape was an arid desert sparsely populated by such drably inoffensive say-nothing-mean-nothing schmindie cockroaches as Echobelly, Sleeper and Menswear. And The Bluetones. There is nothing remotely interesting to say about them or this song. Ultimately, as Mena Suvari's character says in 'American Beauty', there's nothing worse than being ordinary, and yet being ordinary seems to be their very raison d'etre. Like Stereophonics, they stand against everything that is exciting, edgy, novel, experimental, intelligent, passionate and innovatory in music. The world would be neither a better nor a worse place if they did not and had not ever existed - it would be just the same. I can't think of a more damning indictment of any band - that's the exact opposite of what art should aim to be.