Criminal Records #10

'Faith' - Limp Bizkit
'A.D.I.D.A.S.' - Korn
'Loco' - Coal Chamber

Yes, for this final installment I'm afraid it's an ungodly nu-metal triumvirate. Mercifully, what a couple of years ago appeared to be a many-headed hydra now seems to be dying a miserable death. As is usually the case with these things, the genuinely interesting bands, who suddenly find themselves unfairly tarred with the same broad brush as all the bandwagon-jumping losers, ultimately shine through and survive - in this case, the likes of System Of A Down, Deftones and Tool. Here, however, we have three offerings from the less worthy end of the spectrum.

Limp Bizkit's cover of George Michael's 1987 hit 'Faith' was the nu-metal meathead manifesto, at least in the early days before they wrote the tragically bollocks 'Break Stuff' and every self-respecting teen was wearing clothes three sizes too big and dancing like the victims of severe spinal injuries. From there it was on to 'Rollin', Eminem disses, Britney and Fred Durst's ego ballooning so far out of proportion to his meagre talents that the planets have realigned to orbit his head.

If Limp Bizkit spread the plague, Korn can claim to have developed the virus with their self-titled 1994 album. 'A.D.I.D.A.S.' features on the 1996 follow-up, Life Is Peachy (the title is brilliantly sarcastic, you see?), and stands for "All day I dream about sex". The sports clothing manufacturers naturally weren't too happy about being associated with the track. Appropriately enough, given that it's pumped full of testosterone and teenage sexual frustration lacking any outlet, the song is a big sack of wank. The band? Last seen looking fat and peddling the awfully overblown 'comeback' album Untouchables.

Worst of the lot, though, were Coal Chamber. However, even 'Loco' wasn't the lowest point of the whole sorry affair. No, that was their cover of Peter Gabriel's 'Shock The Monkey' with Ozzy Osbourne in tow. At a time when every nu-metal act was hitching a ride on the back of covers of instantly recognisable 80s tracks (most shameful: Orgy, whose 'Blue Monday' rocketed them to popularity before the discovery was made that they had no material of their own), Coal Chamber just had to follow suit - with truly horrific consequences. Nevertheless, from this black hole of musical achievement one moderately good thing did come - a Urusei Yatsura track on the album Slain By... which, for no apparent reason, namechecks bassist Rayna.

Thank god that's it.

Music Sounds Better With You, the new ten-part feature with which I will hopefully redeem myself, will be getting underway in the next few days.