You know you're getting old when...

... you feel the first pangs of lawn envy. Damn our neighbours to hell.

You can add to that: '... you not only have a lawn to mow but have conversations about mowing the lawn'.

More excerpts from my memoir Growing Old Disgracefully in coming weeks, no doubt. In the meantime, though, I'm off to listen to The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart in a futile bid to reconnect to my youth.