Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Jolly fucker baker

As concepts go, baking with Jason Williamson is definitely one to be found on Alan Partridge's dictaphone. And yet, somewhat unexpectedly, it turns out that the Sleaford Mods wordsmith is an avid cake creator who in an interview with the Quietus' J R Moores has described the pastime as "really therapeutic".

That said, the quotes are unmistakeably Williamson and, as the opening paragraph puts it, the article runs through "the kind of baking advice you don't get from Mary Berry". Take, for example, his guidance on the fine art of mixing: "You can't be twatting about with these things. My ex-brother-in-law once asked me, 'How do you do it?' and I said, 'The key is not to kiss the cunt.' Don't kiss it. Don't show it any affection. Show it no mercy. Mix it. Get those ingredients in. Bang! Bang!"

He's wrong about cookies, his alter ego Baking Daddy is a bit unsettling and there really is such a thing as too much icing - but I'm with him on the stressfulness and aggravation of attempting to make cakes with your children: "My wife calls it 'Baking With Hitler'. I start getting really, really irate because they're going, 'Let me roll it.' I'm like, no. Fuck off. Get out. 'Let me do that!' No. Get away from it. You're just going to mess it up. 'Let me stir this.' No, you can't. It's a bit of a fascist situation when the kids get involved. I just lose it."

In fairness, Alan, Tony Hayers is more likely to go with Baking With Jason Williamson than Baking With Hitler.

No comments: